MS is BS!

I’ve been working out for nearly 2 months with Asghar and I’m beginning to gain a new mantra “MS is BS!” I’m ready to turn in my MS card, with all its trappings. I guess you can say that MS and I are, well, ready to “break-up.”

The cool thing is I’m getting faster than that stupid disease. I’m planning on walking away. It might limp along behind me, but I am pretty sure that sooner or later I will be faster than it is. I’m already stronger and it is just a matter of time before MS as I know it is safely in my rear view mirror. 

When you are diagnosed with a disease, it becomes a filter that you look through and react from. We do this often in American culture: multiple sclerosis, breast cancer, diabetes, the list is endless and each disease has a colorful ribbon and website and lots of information that envelopes you in the safety net of your diagnosis. “it’s ok,” these organizations ooze reassurance and wisdom, “we’re here for you.” Of course, when you read the fine print it often reads brought to you by Drug Company X.

Initially this seems ok. When I was diagnosed with MS at 29 I was scared, confused and hungry for answers. I also wanted to fix it! Of course, you learn fast that the problem isn’t fixable. Management seems to be the key word. Manage the disease, manage the pain and manage your medication.

“As you know, MS isn’t life threatening,” said my neurologist, “but it is progressive and it will impact your life.”

Great. Swell. I guess I’ll manage.

The cool thing with Asghar is he “manages” differently and he has made me look at what “managing” this disease really means. He manages expectations. He encourages you to have positive expectations and to visualize a better outcome. He helps you build the muscles and stamina so that the visualization isn’t just a pipe dream...it is something you can expect to happen.

I’ve walked farther, stretched and moved more than I would have believed possible a few months ago. But then, a few months ago I didn’t expect a different outcome. Management was chemical, not physical.

Drugs are a seductive answer to problems. Over the years I’ve taken enough muscle relaxers and other miscellaneous pills to stock a small pharmacy. As symptoms change, the answer is always “take more.” I’ve been taking more and honestly, the pills don’t improve the symptoms that much. Most of what I take simply masks the symptoms temporarily. What they do reliably is make me tired, groggy and depressed. Hey, no worries, they have drugs for that too!

It is ironic that my medical provider has spent in excess of half a million dollars in medication since I was diagnosed and yet asking for physical therapy nets you odd, exasperated looks from your doctor. They’ll sit someone in a wheelchair for 10 years but look askance when they ask about rehabilitative equipment.

The wheelchair I’ve been sitting in for years cost a lot more than a set of free weights and meditation is cheaper than Prozac - but somehow those cheaper, simpler solutions get lost in our system. And I lost sight of those simple things too.

Don’t wait for the doctor to get you moving. Just get moving! Tell her what you want. I told my doctor what I was doing, and she gave me her blessing to exercise - but she didn’t suggest it. She didn’t offer it as a solution and she always warned me to “save my energy.” What am I saving it for? I’m not earning interest here! I keep getting more and more tired.

Before I began working out, I felt stuck both physically and emotionally. Daily tasks were  feeling overwhelming. Getting a cup of coffee in the morning felt like a major event. I dreaded moving and fretted about being too weak or too stiff to get small things done. Let me tell you, this does nothing for your mood. It does nothing for your confidence. My world gets smaller and smaller and it is punctuated with fears, disappointments and frustrations. The MS was shaping me, my life and my expectations.

I may have MS, but I can shape it. I’m in charge. It is important to look at things as a challenge rather than an obstacle. It is important to see what you can do to handle the problem rather than ask for a medication to handle it for you.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against medical science. It is empowering to know what you have and how to deal with it. The thing is, though, that the drug companies sponsor a lot of these informational resources and websites, they give your doctor their stuff to help them talk to you and before you know it the conversation is about drugs...drugs...and more drugs. These drugs can, and do, help tremendously in certain situations. My point is that I had stopped being proactive, I was just taking the meds and waiting for relief. Relief that didn’t come.

I have had actual relief over the last few months and it didn’t come from a pill. As I move more, the pain I feel in my joints and muscles has improved. My confidence and mood have improved and that wasn’t because I upped my Prozac. There is a difference in my ability and strength and attitude that is amazing. There are no side effects to exercise and the benefit doesn’t wear off after a few hours either.

I’m moving more and have cut my medications dramatically and I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I’m done catering to this bull#@*! disease! MS is BS.

Rachel McDonnell

PS: Good website: http://msisbs.org/